When I was seventeen, I moved out of my parents’ home for the first time. My older brother’s childhood best friend was living in the area, and he offered to help me move in. I had a little-girl crush on him growing up, so I was excited to see him again. I didn’t think anything would come of it. He was seven years older than me, which is a lot when you’re seventeen.

Contrary to my expectations, he showed interest almost immediately, and I fell for it. I was scared and alone in a new place, and it felt good to have someone familiar around. At first, I felt comfortable and safe around him. I didn’t realize at the time that many of the things he did to (what he claimed) protect me were really to control and manipulate me. When I got pregnant, he insisted that we get married. It didn’t feel like I had a choice in the matter. It was then that I realized that our relationship was not based on love, but on control.

I learned so much from this relationship. I learned that there is a big difference between lust and love and that I didn’t have to give more of myself than I wanted to deserve the latter. I learned that when you see red flags in a relationship, you leave. Now I am much more careful who I trust, and I take my relationships much more slowly. If I am not treated with respect, I end it. I learned the hard way that it is so much better to be alone than to be in a relationship you don’t feel safe in.

For the first six months of my pregnancy, I was planning on parenting. This was another big growing experience for me. I took a crash course in adulting. I worked full time to pay for my bills and medical care, learned to budget, made a plan for child care, planned a way to balance parenting and getting an education, everything that I needed to be a single parent. Many of the skills I learned during this portion of my pregnancy are skills that I still use today. I am much more responsible with my time and money than I once was. 

Logistically, I could have made it work to parent my baby. But the biggest part of growing up quickly was learning to step outside myself and take a look at the bigger picture. Parenting was what I wanted to do, but what about what was best for my baby? Could I give her the life she deserved? Not just now, but in ten years? Twenty? The answer was no. It wasn’t just about money. I was not in a place where I was emotionally mature enough to be the kind of parent she deserved. She needed more stability than her biological father and I could provide. So I had to find somebody who could give her the life I wanted her to have. Learning to put her needs before my own was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever been through, but seeing her thrive with the family I chose has helped to heal my pain.

Choosing the right family was another important lesson. When you place a baby for adoption, you have no legal right to visitation. Any contact agreements are based completely on trust. I believed that the best option for my baby was an open adoption. That way she could have a stable, loving family while still having contact with me so that she would always know that I love her.

I looked through dozens of profiles, trying to decide how I could possibly choose. They all seemed so wonderful, but at the same time, I was terrified of families making promises they wouldn’t keep. I was so hurt by the relationship I had with the birth father that I wasn’t sure how I could have faith in anyone ever again. As I got to know the family I eventually chose to adopt my birth daughter, I slowly learned to trust. It was a giant leap of faith to place, but they have kept their word. They have never made a promise they couldn’t keep, and they genuinely love me. They taught me that there really are good people in the world.

And I learned what love was. Meeting my little baby girl opened my eyes to a whole new level of emotion I didn’t know I was capable of. I love her fiercely, and every time I see her my love grows even more. She is my little sunshine.

The lessons I learned, I learned the hard way, but I am grateful for them. What was once a crisis pregnancy has turned into the biggest blessing I have ever received. I am a much stronger, wiser person because of everything I’ve been through. I can thank my crisis pregnancy for the woman I am today, and I will always be proud of that.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post My Crisis Pregnancy Story and What I Learned appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

My crisis pregnancy made me who I am today, and I’m proud of that.

When I got pregnant, I was forced to change my lifestyle. I had to make healthier choices and surround myself with better people for her safety. It was far easier to make good choices for her sake than for my own. If not for her, I might never have turned my life around.

My pregnancy showed me what was truly important.

It didn’t matter what people thought of me. I didn’t care about the gossip, the drama, or what I looked like. I cared about making the best life possible for my little girl. She forced me to sort out my priorities. To this day, all I care about is reaching my goals and making her proud. Life is simpler because I don’t care what people think.

Having my little girl made me tough.

If I can get through the judgment, the pain of delivery, and the grief of placing her for adoption, I can get through anything. Things that I used to think were hard–school, work, finances, relationships–are nothing compared to what I went through with my crisis pregnancy. It made me strong, and I know that I can handle whatever comes my way. I’ve done hard things before, and I’ll do them again.

My journey gave me an increased capacity to love.

I thought I knew what love was before I met my baby–but I didn’t. The first time I held her I felt a depth of emotion I hadn’t thought possible. She unlocked a new level of love in my heart, and now I can love others so much more deeply and easily. This has led to fulfilling relationships not only with her but with friends and family who I now know how to love unconditionally.

My crisis pregnancy was hard, but it has made me a much better person. Thanks to my experience, I have become smarter, tougher, and more loving than I ever thought possible. I am proud of who I am today because of what I’ve been through. I wouldn’t go back and change my experience for the world.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post How My Crisis Pregnancy Was A Good Thing appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

1. Don’t be ashamed

Being pregnant is not something to be ashamed of. Maybe you aren’t proud of the choices that led up to the pregnancy. But the child, in and of itself, deserves to be celebrated as much as any other baby. It hasn’t done anything wrong, and neither have you. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says–this is your pregnancy and your choice, and you can choose how you feel about it. It won’t be easy, but no matter what you decide, you don’t need to be ashamed.

2. Consider your options carefully

There is no easy ‘solution’ to a crisis pregnancy. Parenting, placing for adoption, and aborting all come with consequences that should be seriously considered. Making a snap decision without carefully weighing the pros and cons will likely lead to regret. You have some time to decide what to do. Take all the time you need, and use both your head and your heart to make decisions.

3. Breathe

Take your time. You don’t have to make all the decisions right now. You have nine months. Take it one day at a time, and take care of yourself and your baby by getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating right. These basic things can be difficult to do when you’re going through a crisis, but making simple healthy changes will make a world of difference in your ability to feel good and think clearly.

4. Build a support system

You don’t have to go through this alone. More than likely, you have family and friends who will be there to support you. Even if you don’t, you can find a support group for women facing crisis pregnancies or a therapist who offers individual counseling. Find a doctor that will make sure you and your baby are healthy. Make use of anyone and everyone who can help you get through this pregnancy.

5. Don’t give up

You can do this. I know, because I did. A crisis pregnancy doesn’t ruin your life, it just changes it. You are strong enough to get through it, smart enough to know what to do, and capable enough to carry it out. Your mothers’ intuition will help you along the way.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post 5 Pieces Of Advice For Women Facing A Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

Why I chose adoption when I had a crisis pregnancy.

Young, broke, and just leaving an abusive relationship. This was not a good time for me to have a baby. But there I was, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, looking at two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Not too long after that, the panic set in. I didn’t want to have an abortion, so what else could I do?

I did not want to parent with my child’s biological father. He was in no way suitable to be a dad. The restraining order I had against him didn’t mean he couldn’t fight me for custody–and he would have. I couldn’t do that to an innocent child…

My family was far away, and I couldn’t stay with them. If I ran away to live with them, my child’s father could sue me for preventing his visitation. He knew where my family lived. There was no hiding from him.

On top of that, I was flat broke. I was working 40-hour work weeks at a restaurant, just trying to feed and shelter myself. Who was going to pay for these medical bills? Who was going to buy diapers? I couldn’t do it, not on my budget.

I wanted her to live.

In spite of all this, I loved my unborn child with all my heart. I wanted her to live. But I didn’t want her to have the life I knew she would have with me. I wanted her to have a mommy and daddy who were in love. I wanted her to have a home where she slept safely in the same bed every night.

So I found someone who could give her that life. There is no ‘easy way out’ of a crisis pregnancy. All options have pros and cons. Adoption, in my case, was the best solution. I gave my baby life, and her adoptive parents help her live it. I have an open relationship with them, so I still get to see my birth daughter regularly.

I miss my birth daughter every day. It’s hard. But I wouldn’t want things to be different. This way, she isn’t torn between her parents. She’ll never go hungry or cold. She is well cared for, and loved by both birth and adoptive parents.

It was my circumstances, not who I was as a person, that made adoption the right choice for me and my baby. Someday, when my circumstances are different, I will have another child with someone I love. I will still have a beautiful relationship with my birth daughter because of open adoption. I will sleep easy every night, knowing that my crisis pregnancy turned into one of my life’s greatest blessings.

For more guidance with your unplanned pregnancy and other abortion alternatives, visit Adoption.com.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post I Chose Adoption When I Had A Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.