Why I chose adoption when I had a crisis pregnancy.
Young, broke, and just leaving an abusive relationship. This was not a good time for me to have a baby. But there I was, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, looking at two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Not too long after that, the panic set in. I didn’t want to have an abortion, so what else could I do?
I did not want to parent with my child’s biological father. He was in no way suitable to be a dad. The restraining order I had against him didn’t mean he couldn’t fight me for custody–and he would have. I couldn’t do that to an innocent child…
My family was far away, and I couldn’t stay with them. If I ran away to live with them, my child’s father could sue me for preventing his visitation. He knew where my family lived. There was no hiding from him.
On top of that, I was flat broke. I was working 40-hour work weeks at a restaurant, just trying to feed and shelter myself. Who was going to pay for these medical bills? Who was going to buy diapers? I couldn’t do it, not on my budget.
I wanted her to live.
I was not mentally in a position to parent. I was bipolar, but I didn’t know that at the time. All I knew was that I could hardly take care of myself. Everything seemed out of control, and I lashed out at everyone around me. I wasn’t mature enough to take on the task of raising a child.
In spite of all this, I loved my unborn child with all my heart. I wanted her to live. But I didn’t want her to have the life I knew she would have with me. I wanted her to have a mommy and daddy who were in love. I wanted her to have a home where she slept safely in the same bed every night.
So I found someone who could give her that life. There is no ‘easy way out’ of a crisis pregnancy. All options have pros and cons. Adoption, in my case, was the best solution. I gave my baby life, and her adoptive parents help her live it. I have an open relationship with them, so I still get to see my birth daughter regularly.
I miss my birth daughter every day. It’s hard. But I wouldn’t want things to be different. This way, she isn’t torn between her parents. She’ll never go hungry or cold. She is well cared for, and loved by both birth and adoptive parents.
It was my circumstances, not who I was as a person, that made adoption the right choice for me and my baby. Someday, when my circumstances are different, I will have another child with someone I love. I will still have a beautiful relationship with my birth daughter because of open adoption. I will sleep easy every night, knowing that my crisis pregnancy turned into one of my life’s greatest blessings.