When writing, you are true to yourself. It’s not about anyone else or their feelings. There is no right or wrong way to write.

As a kid, I never felt like I could tell anyone how I really felt. I really got into writing when I started questioning why my parents got divorced. I was a teenager, and the feelings I had toward one parent weren’t things I felt I could freely express. I wrote those feelings down and stupidly mailed them to that parent. It hurt our relationship for quite awhile.

That’s when I realized how much damage words, written or otherwise, can really hurt. From that time on, I kept all my feelings on paper, and to myself.

Fast forward a few years, and I learn that I’m pregnant. I had to first understand my feelings before telling my parents or the biological father. So, I started writing in a journal. I knew I couldn’t keep the pregnancy to myself forever, and that I had to tell my parents. I took the chicken way out, and wrote them a letter.

My parents worked in the same office and went to work together. I figured I’d put the letter in my moms purse, knowing she’d find it on her way to work. My thought process was that if they had all day to absorb this information, they wouldn’t be as upset or disappointed by the time they got home. It worked. To this day, I truly believe that if I had told them face to face, it wouldn’t have gone over as well.

The first four months of my pregnancy, I was determined to keep my baby, no matter what anyone else thought. During those four months I was miserable. I was angry. I couldn’t sleep. I snapped at everyone. I just wasn’t happy anymore. My choice to raise her wasn’t the reason, it was my circumstances.

I tried to write every single thought, good or bad, on paper. I never wanted her to ever doubt the love I had for her. This was even more important when I came to the realization that placing her for adoption would be the best decision for her.

With the type of adoption I chose, I was able to write to the adoptive parents throughout the remaining months of my pregnancy. In fact, the way I told them they were the parents I chose for my child, was in a card. This couple had been picked before and the adoption took place. I wanted to make it special for them. I picked out a “Mom to Be” card and a “Parents to Be” one. I wrote a little note in each one and the adoption agency sent it to them. Just writing the little note inside those cards was a way, I felt, to convey exactly what I was feeling at that moment.

If I didn’t write throughout my unplanned pregnancy, I don’t think I would have been able to handle the emotions that were yet to come after I placed her for adoption. Those emotions were on a whole different level.

Not long after placing her into their arms, I was asked to speak at an adoption convention. There would be adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents in attendance. I had only given birth about a month prior to this convention.

Speaking in front of a large group of people, off the cuff, is not one of my strong suits. Thankfully, I was comfortable writing all my feelings down, and reading from that. No matter how difficult it was to share very raw and recent emotions with a room filled with strangers, I knew it needed to be done. Knowing that I had expressed very true and heartfelt sentiments, I felt good walking away from the podium. If what I said helped just one person in that room, understand what a birth mother goes through, then I did what I needed to.

I wrote an article, years ago, for Adoptive Families Magazine. The article was about the events leading up to and including the adoption. It was one of the most cathartic things I have ever written about my pregnancy.

Writing has always been an outlet for things that I never thought I could verbally say. I wrote down everything. I wrote as if I were talking to her and from the heart. I wanted her to know how much I love her, and that none of this was her fault. I wanted her to know that I wanted to be her mom more than anything. I wanted her to know how scared I was.

If for no other reason, writing down your feelings lets you understand how you’re feeling in that exact moment. That goes for any situation you are going through. It has helped me through many different hard times in my life.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

The post How Writing Helped Me Through My Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

1. Listen First

It is so easy to try to come up with a solution when a friend is in crisis. It is only human nature for us to want to try and fix things. You may have even gone through a crisis pregnancy yourself. However, a pregnancy is a very intimate time. The decisions that your friend will make will be carried with them for the rest of their life. Even if you feel the urge to point them in a direction, be quick to listen. Let them tell you their fears and their feelings. It is much more likely that they will trust your opinion and confide in you if they have felt that you are a listening ear and value their feelings first. 

2. Encourage Support

One of the hardest parts of a crisis pregnancy can be having to go it alone. The best thing you can do for your friend is to not only listen but be supportive of them. This does not mean you will agree with every choice they make, but let them know that they have you in their corner. Along with this, encourage them to seek the support of others. While a crisis pregnancy can often be a shock to friends and family, many family members and friends will want to be there for their loved one in their time of need. If it is a safe situation, encourage your friend to tell their family about their pregnancy.

3. Gather Information

Once the shock of a crisis pregnancy has subsided, your friend will have choices to make regarding their pregnancy. While you cannot make any decision for them, you can help them explore their options. Help them lay out the pros and cons of each choice as well as seek guidance from their family if possible. It is also helpful to make sure they are fully informed of all of the choices available to them. Many often have a skewed idea of what adoption will mean or what choosing to parent the child will look like. A great place to start is on the Pregnancy page at Adoption.org. This will provide information about adoption as an option, but also provide general information about what to expect from an unplanned pregnancy. Encourage your friend to take a deep breath and not make rash decisions. While time is of the essence, making the right choice in this situation is crucial as their whole life will change regardless of their choice. Being a good friend in a crisis pregnancy will hinge largely on listening, being present, and helping your friend gather the tools and support they need to get through this time.

The post Three Ways To Help Your Friend Through A Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

When I was seventeen, I moved out of my parents’ home for the first time. My older brother’s childhood best friend was living in the area, and he offered to help me move in. I had a little-girl crush on him growing up, so I was excited to see him again. I didn’t think anything would come of it. He was seven years older than me, which is a lot when you’re seventeen.

Contrary to my expectations, he showed interest almost immediately, and I fell for it. I was scared and alone in a new place, and it felt good to have someone familiar around. At first, I felt comfortable and safe around him. I didn’t realize at the time that many of the things he did to (what he claimed) protect me were really to control and manipulate me. When I got pregnant, he insisted that we get married. It didn’t feel like I had a choice in the matter. It was then that I realized that our relationship was not based on love, but on control.

I learned so much from this relationship. I learned that there is a big difference between lust and love and that I didn’t have to give more of myself than I wanted to deserve the latter. I learned that when you see red flags in a relationship, you leave. Now I am much more careful who I trust, and I take my relationships much more slowly. If I am not treated with respect, I end it. I learned the hard way that it is so much better to be alone than to be in a relationship you don’t feel safe in.

For the first six months of my pregnancy, I was planning on parenting. This was another big growing experience for me. I took a crash course in adulting. I worked full time to pay for my bills and medical care, learned to budget, made a plan for child care, planned a way to balance parenting and getting an education, everything that I needed to be a single parent. Many of the skills I learned during this portion of my pregnancy are skills that I still use today. I am much more responsible with my time and money than I once was. 

Logistically, I could have made it work to parent my baby. But the biggest part of growing up quickly was learning to step outside myself and take a look at the bigger picture. Parenting was what I wanted to do, but what about what was best for my baby? Could I give her the life she deserved? Not just now, but in ten years? Twenty? The answer was no. It wasn’t just about money. I was not in a place where I was emotionally mature enough to be the kind of parent she deserved. She needed more stability than her biological father and I could provide. So I had to find somebody who could give her the life I wanted her to have. Learning to put her needs before my own was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever been through, but seeing her thrive with the family I chose has helped to heal my pain.

Choosing the right family was another important lesson. When you place a baby for adoption, you have no legal right to visitation. Any contact agreements are based completely on trust. I believed that the best option for my baby was an open adoption. That way she could have a stable, loving family while still having contact with me so that she would always know that I love her.

I looked through dozens of profiles, trying to decide how I could possibly choose. They all seemed so wonderful, but at the same time, I was terrified of families making promises they wouldn’t keep. I was so hurt by the relationship I had with the birth father that I wasn’t sure how I could have faith in anyone ever again. As I got to know the family I eventually chose to adopt my birth daughter, I slowly learned to trust. It was a giant leap of faith to place, but they have kept their word. They have never made a promise they couldn’t keep, and they genuinely love me. They taught me that there really are good people in the world.

And I learned what love was. Meeting my little baby girl opened my eyes to a whole new level of emotion I didn’t know I was capable of. I love her fiercely, and every time I see her my love grows even more. She is my little sunshine.

The lessons I learned, I learned the hard way, but I am grateful for them. What was once a crisis pregnancy has turned into the biggest blessing I have ever received. I am a much stronger, wiser person because of everything I’ve been through. I can thank my crisis pregnancy for the woman I am today, and I will always be proud of that.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post My Crisis Pregnancy Story and What I Learned appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

It made me less judgmental of situations I’ve never experienced or had an understanding of.  Before that point, I was skeptical of how a person could get pregnant when they had the precautions not to and found myself stereotyping or generalizing people who had to make difficult decisions.  Now, not only am I completely understanding of what it is like to make a difficult decision, but I try to put myself into the shoes of situations that I don’t have experience with and see the perspective of others.  It isn’t always easy, but we are all just trying to do the best that we can. 

It taught me to better assess both my actions and how those actions affect others. The things you do in your life affect not only you but the people around you.  My life hadn’t just changed with a crisis pregnancy, but the lives of my boyfriend, adoptive family, and most importantly, the life that was created. While life can change rapidly and without warning, it is up to you as a person to make the best of situations and think of everyone it concerns. 

Most importantly, it opened my heart to love I didn’t know was possible.  I love my mom. I love my best friend. I love my significant other. But nothing prepared me for the love I feel for that little boy.  I was surprised by the love I feel for his family for loving him as much as I do. I could not imagine life without them in the world now.  Who knew a picture of a silly kid could make your heart swell and be overwhelmed with joy? It is an amazing feeling to know love like this.

A crisis pregnancy was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face.  But if I needed this test, this experience, to be the person I am today and to have my son in the world, I’ll take it and hope that I continue to learn and grow from it all.  

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post How My Crisis Pregnancy Made Me a Better Person appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

My crisis pregnancy made me who I am today, and I’m proud of that.

When I got pregnant, I was forced to change my lifestyle. I had to make healthier choices and surround myself with better people for her safety. It was far easier to make good choices for her sake than for my own. If not for her, I might never have turned my life around.

My pregnancy showed me what was truly important.

It didn’t matter what people thought of me. I didn’t care about the gossip, the drama, or what I looked like. I cared about making the best life possible for my little girl. She forced me to sort out my priorities. To this day, all I care about is reaching my goals and making her proud. Life is simpler because I don’t care what people think.

Having my little girl made me tough.

If I can get through the judgment, the pain of delivery, and the grief of placing her for adoption, I can get through anything. Things that I used to think were hard–school, work, finances, relationships–are nothing compared to what I went through with my crisis pregnancy. It made me strong, and I know that I can handle whatever comes my way. I’ve done hard things before, and I’ll do them again.

My journey gave me an increased capacity to love.

I thought I knew what love was before I met my baby–but I didn’t. The first time I held her I felt a depth of emotion I hadn’t thought possible. She unlocked a new level of love in my heart, and now I can love others so much more deeply and easily. This has led to fulfilling relationships not only with her but with friends and family who I now know how to love unconditionally.

My crisis pregnancy was hard, but it has made me a much better person. Thanks to my experience, I have become smarter, tougher, and more loving than I ever thought possible. I am proud of who I am today because of what I’ve been through. I wouldn’t go back and change my experience for the world.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post How My Crisis Pregnancy Was A Good Thing appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

1. Closed adoption

One question to ask yourself when in a crisis pregnancy is: do I want complete anonymity? If so, a closed adoption may be an appropriate solution. A closed adoption is when a thoughtful birth mom places her child for adoption. With the assistance of an attorney and a reputable adoption agency, the birth mom relinquishes her parental rights. In a closed adoption, the birth mom reserves the right to hold back any of her own personal information to the adoptive family. The benefit to the birth mom is that she protects her confidentiality. However, this can be a barrier to the child should he need medical history in the future. Or if he wants information on the circumstances of his adoption. Or if he simply wants to develop a relationship, at a later date. But if you cannot raise your own child, a closed adoption may be a good option.

2. Open Adoption

Another question to ask yourself is: Can I make a Life Plan for my child? A life plan is when a woman considering placing her child in a loving adoptive home becomes actively involved in the process. The woman participates in what type family the child will be placed in. And in some cases, she can opt for an open adoption where there will be limited contact between mom and child. With the assistance of attorneys, the woman making an adoption plan and the adoptive parents form an adoption contract which includes the details of contact and visit.

3. Kinship Adoption

A third question to ask yourself is: Are there close relatives or extended family that can raise my child? There may be someone in your family that has been yearning to adopt a child but have been unable to for one reason or another. What started out as a crisis in your life could end up being a blessing all the way around. The advantage here is that the child stays in the family, perhaps in a home that he is already familiar with.

Is adoption the solution to your crisis pregnancy? Only you can decide. Perhaps you can raise the child on your own like so many other women with crisis pregnancies have done before you. But if you do choose adoption, know that you are solving a crisis, not only for you but for adoptive parents, who may be facing infertility and of course the child. A crisis pregnancy doesn’t have to be a crisis.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CRISIS PREGNANCIES, CLICK HERE.

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When faced with an unplanned pregnancy, you’re often told that you have options. It can be scary to have to make decisions that will affect not only you, but other people. We are going to take a look at two of these unplanned pregnancy options, parenting and adoption, and the thought process I recommend when considering the possibilities.

Parenting

In considering whether or not you want to pursue the option of parenting your unborn child, there are some questions you should ask yourself: am I in a position financially to take care of another person? In my current living situation, is there space for a child to live in? Is it a safe place? If the answers to any of those are questions are no, what would it take to accomplish those goals? Am I able to do it in a timely manner, either during my pregnancy or shortly after, to ensure that my child can be well taken care of by me? These questions can be hard to consider, but it is important to answer them realistically.

Another thing to ask yourself is if you have a support system in place to help you raise the child. This can mean having steady childcare so you can maintain a job, having a babysitter handy in times of need, or even having a person available in case of emergency. Consider whether your family or friends are dependable to look after your child in your absence. Also, consider whether or not you are ready to dedicate the rest of your life to the wants and needs of this child and what that means for your future.

Adoption Plan

In making an adoption plan, there are many avenues to consider. You may think about placing through an agency, finding a family privately through an attorney or on your own, or even placing the child with a family member in a kinship adoption (each of which can depend on the laws in the state where you live).

Once you decide the route through which you would like to proceed, you need to decide what you are looking for in potential parents of your child: single parent, married couple, same-sex, religious, already have children or not, traditional views, the list goes on. Sometimes, you won’t even know what you want in prospective parents until you meet them, and that’s okay. One important thing to think about is whether you hope to have continuing contact through an open or semi-open adoption plan, or if you would prefer to not have contact with your child. Different things work for different people, and it is good to have an idea of what you’re comfortable with.

All of this may seem overwhelming right now. Not only are you hormonal because of your pregnancy, but you are facing big life decisions that carry a lot of emotions. It is okay not to know, or to take your time to figure it out. There are counselors and other people who have been in the same position as you that would be willing to discuss options and give you a better idea. Just remember that you are in the driver’s seat of this process and only you can truly know what is the best option for you and your unplanned pregnancy.

For more guidance in your unexpected pregnancy, visit Adoption.com.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

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Why I chose adoption when I had a crisis pregnancy.

Young, broke, and just leaving an abusive relationship. This was not a good time for me to have a baby. But there I was, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, looking at two pink lines on a pregnancy test. Not too long after that, the panic set in. I didn’t want to have an abortion, so what else could I do?

I did not want to parent with my child’s biological father. He was in no way suitable to be a dad. The restraining order I had against him didn’t mean he couldn’t fight me for custody–and he would have. I couldn’t do that to an innocent child…

My family was far away, and I couldn’t stay with them. If I ran away to live with them, my child’s father could sue me for preventing his visitation. He knew where my family lived. There was no hiding from him.

On top of that, I was flat broke. I was working 40-hour work weeks at a restaurant, just trying to feed and shelter myself. Who was going to pay for these medical bills? Who was going to buy diapers? I couldn’t do it, not on my budget.

I wanted her to live.

In spite of all this, I loved my unborn child with all my heart. I wanted her to live. But I didn’t want her to have the life I knew she would have with me. I wanted her to have a mommy and daddy who were in love. I wanted her to have a home where she slept safely in the same bed every night.

So I found someone who could give her that life. There is no ‘easy way out’ of a crisis pregnancy. All options have pros and cons. Adoption, in my case, was the best solution. I gave my baby life, and her adoptive parents help her live it. I have an open relationship with them, so I still get to see my birth daughter regularly.

I miss my birth daughter every day. It’s hard. But I wouldn’t want things to be different. This way, she isn’t torn between her parents. She’ll never go hungry or cold. She is well cared for, and loved by both birth and adoptive parents.

It was my circumstances, not who I was as a person, that made adoption the right choice for me and my baby. Someday, when my circumstances are different, I will have another child with someone I love. I will still have a beautiful relationship with my birth daughter because of open adoption. I will sleep easy every night, knowing that my crisis pregnancy turned into one of my life’s greatest blessings.

For more guidance with your unplanned pregnancy and other abortion alternatives, visit Adoption.com.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post I Chose Adoption When I Had A Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

Here are some abortion alternatives when it comes to a crisis pregnancy.

It would be an understatement to say that it can be a scary situation when a woman discovers she has a crisis pregnancy. Perhaps the father of her child is someone she doesn’t love. Or perhaps, she loves the birth father but he decides not to stay and help her raise the child. Or perhaps she feels that she cannot raise a child and pursue a career at the same time. Whatever the case, the feelings of aloneness and abandonment can be overwhelming in a crisis pregnancy. Choosing what to do next can be an excruciating decision. But rest assured, abortion is not the only choice a woman has. There is hope. There are other viable abortion alternatives:

1) The Adoption Option

Adoption is a beautiful option. Adoption is a legal measure which transfers parental rights from the biological parents to the adoptive parents. In some cases, a pregnant mom may be able to have significant input into which family she will place her child. For other cases, a pregnant mom may be able to have an open adoption, which allows the birth mom to have limited contact with their child, even after parental rights have been severed. In any event, you have the opportunity to create a life plan for your child. Better yet, by placing your child for adoption, you bless another family with your child. There are about one million prospective adoptive parents who would love to have the opportunity to adopt a child. Your child is no mistake. Your pregnancy may be unwanted, but, rest assured, your child is not. Consider adoption. (Seek legal advice should you choose this route). You can also visit Adoption.com/unplanned-pregnancy for more help with your unplanned pregnancy.

2) Guardianship

If a pregnant woman is unable or willing to raise the child properly on her own, guardianship may be another alternative to abortion. Guardianship is a legal measure, approved by the courts, where a parent turns over custody to another responsible adult who will care for that child. A guardian has the power to decide health matters, educational matters, and personal matters for that child.

Guardianship may be temporary or permanent. Temporary guardianship may be granted if parental rights have not been involuntarily severed. With temporary guardianship, the birth mom still retains parental rights, still has visitation rights, and may petition the courts to end guardianship should she feel that she is now in the position to raise the child. Permanent guardianship may be granted to another person if it is proven that abuse, neglect, or abandonment has occurred by the bio mom. For more information, click here.

(Seek legal advice should you choose this route.)

3) Keep your child. Raise your child. With help.

If a young lady chooses to keep her child, she is in good company. About 80% of women who are faced with a crisis pregnancy decide to keep the baby and raise that child herself. But she doesn’t need to do it alone. Even if the father leaves, you’d be surprised at how many people come forward with assistance. The young lady does not need to do it alone; help from extended family, the faith community, or the general community at large is there to help. People are ready, willing and able to help, unconditionally and without judgment. You may also be interested in these resources should you be interested in parenting your child.

4) Safe Haven Programs

This is a very controversial option. And I would not suggest this unless you have absolutely no other choice. This is where a mom leaves a newborn at a certified, designated Safe Haven location where they take care of your baby. You can do this anonymously, without threat of prosecution for abandonment. See below.

“A distressed parent who is unable or unwilling to care for their infant can give up custody of their baby, no questions asked. They must simply bring the infant to a safe haven location and make sure they locate a person to give the child. As long as the child shows no signs of intentional abuse, no name or other information is required. The specific locations and maximum age of the child varies from state to state. You can find the details of for your location by using our Safehaven Finder. It’s safe. It’s anonymous. You do not need to tell anyone.”

Being aware of multiple options empowers women. Culture and society have told us that there is only one choice: abortion! This is not true. There are many, many alternatives when facing a crisis pregnancy. Choose the alternative that is best for your baby. This is true freedom of choice.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

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