When writing, you are true to yourself. It’s not about anyone else or their feelings. There is no right or wrong way to write.

As a kid, I never felt like I could tell anyone how I really felt. I really got into writing when I started questioning why my parents got divorced. I was a teenager, and the feelings I had toward one parent weren’t things I felt I could freely express. I wrote those feelings down and stupidly mailed them to that parent. It hurt our relationship for quite awhile.

That’s when I realized how much damage words, written or otherwise, can really hurt. From that time on, I kept all my feelings on paper, and to myself.

Fast forward a few years, and I learn that I’m pregnant. I had to first understand my feelings before telling my parents or the biological father. So, I started writing in a journal. I knew I couldn’t keep the pregnancy to myself forever, and that I had to tell my parents. I took the chicken way out, and wrote them a letter.

My parents worked in the same office and went to work together. I figured I’d put the letter in my moms purse, knowing she’d find it on her way to work. My thought process was that if they had all day to absorb this information, they wouldn’t be as upset or disappointed by the time they got home. It worked. To this day, I truly believe that if I had told them face to face, it wouldn’t have gone over as well.

The first four months of my pregnancy, I was determined to keep my baby, no matter what anyone else thought. During those four months I was miserable. I was angry. I couldn’t sleep. I snapped at everyone. I just wasn’t happy anymore. My choice to raise her wasn’t the reason, it was my circumstances.

I tried to write every single thought, good or bad, on paper. I never wanted her to ever doubt the love I had for her. This was even more important when I came to the realization that placing her for adoption would be the best decision for her.

With the type of adoption I chose, I was able to write to the adoptive parents throughout the remaining months of my pregnancy. In fact, the way I told them they were the parents I chose for my child, was in a card. This couple had been picked before and the adoption took place. I wanted to make it special for them. I picked out a “Mom to Be” card and a “Parents to Be” one. I wrote a little note in each one and the adoption agency sent it to them. Just writing the little note inside those cards was a way, I felt, to convey exactly what I was feeling at that moment.

If I didn’t write throughout my unplanned pregnancy, I don’t think I would have been able to handle the emotions that were yet to come after I placed her for adoption. Those emotions were on a whole different level.

Not long after placing her into their arms, I was asked to speak at an adoption convention. There would be adoptees, adoptive parents, and birth parents in attendance. I had only given birth about a month prior to this convention.

Speaking in front of a large group of people, off the cuff, is not one of my strong suits. Thankfully, I was comfortable writing all my feelings down, and reading from that. No matter how difficult it was to share very raw and recent emotions with a room filled with strangers, I knew it needed to be done. Knowing that I had expressed very true and heartfelt sentiments, I felt good walking away from the podium. If what I said helped just one person in that room, understand what a birth mother goes through, then I did what I needed to.

I wrote an article, years ago, for Adoptive Families Magazine. The article was about the events leading up to and including the adoption. It was one of the most cathartic things I have ever written about my pregnancy.

Writing has always been an outlet for things that I never thought I could verbally say. I wrote down everything. I wrote as if I were talking to her and from the heart. I wanted her to know how much I love her, and that none of this was her fault. I wanted her to know that I wanted to be her mom more than anything. I wanted her to know how scared I was.

If for no other reason, writing down your feelings lets you understand how you’re feeling in that exact moment. That goes for any situation you are going through. It has helped me through many different hard times in my life.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

The post How Writing Helped Me Through My Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

1. Listen First

It is so easy to try to come up with a solution when a friend is in crisis. It is only human nature for us to want to try and fix things. You may have even gone through a crisis pregnancy yourself. However, a pregnancy is a very intimate time. The decisions that your friend will make will be carried with them for the rest of their life. Even if you feel the urge to point them in a direction, be quick to listen. Let them tell you their fears and their feelings. It is much more likely that they will trust your opinion and confide in you if they have felt that you are a listening ear and value their feelings first. 

2. Encourage Support

One of the hardest parts of a crisis pregnancy can be having to go it alone. The best thing you can do for your friend is to not only listen but be supportive of them. This does not mean you will agree with every choice they make, but let them know that they have you in their corner. Along with this, encourage them to seek the support of others. While a crisis pregnancy can often be a shock to friends and family, many family members and friends will want to be there for their loved one in their time of need. If it is a safe situation, encourage your friend to tell their family about their pregnancy.

3. Gather Information

Once the shock of a crisis pregnancy has subsided, your friend will have choices to make regarding their pregnancy. While you cannot make any decision for them, you can help them explore their options. Help them lay out the pros and cons of each choice as well as seek guidance from their family if possible. It is also helpful to make sure they are fully informed of all of the choices available to them. Many often have a skewed idea of what adoption will mean or what choosing to parent the child will look like. A great place to start is on the Pregnancy page at Adoption.org. This will provide information about adoption as an option, but also provide general information about what to expect from an unplanned pregnancy. Encourage your friend to take a deep breath and not make rash decisions. While time is of the essence, making the right choice in this situation is crucial as their whole life will change regardless of their choice. Being a good friend in a crisis pregnancy will hinge largely on listening, being present, and helping your friend gather the tools and support they need to get through this time.

The post Three Ways To Help Your Friend Through A Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

When I was seventeen, I moved out of my parents’ home for the first time. My older brother’s childhood best friend was living in the area, and he offered to help me move in. I had a little-girl crush on him growing up, so I was excited to see him again. I didn’t think anything would come of it. He was seven years older than me, which is a lot when you’re seventeen.

Contrary to my expectations, he showed interest almost immediately, and I fell for it. I was scared and alone in a new place, and it felt good to have someone familiar around. At first, I felt comfortable and safe around him. I didn’t realize at the time that many of the things he did to (what he claimed) protect me were really to control and manipulate me. When I got pregnant, he insisted that we get married. It didn’t feel like I had a choice in the matter. It was then that I realized that our relationship was not based on love, but on control.

I learned so much from this relationship. I learned that there is a big difference between lust and love and that I didn’t have to give more of myself than I wanted to deserve the latter. I learned that when you see red flags in a relationship, you leave. Now I am much more careful who I trust, and I take my relationships much more slowly. If I am not treated with respect, I end it. I learned the hard way that it is so much better to be alone than to be in a relationship you don’t feel safe in.

For the first six months of my pregnancy, I was planning on parenting. This was another big growing experience for me. I took a crash course in adulting. I worked full time to pay for my bills and medical care, learned to budget, made a plan for child care, planned a way to balance parenting and getting an education, everything that I needed to be a single parent. Many of the skills I learned during this portion of my pregnancy are skills that I still use today. I am much more responsible with my time and money than I once was. 

Logistically, I could have made it work to parent my baby. But the biggest part of growing up quickly was learning to step outside myself and take a look at the bigger picture. Parenting was what I wanted to do, but what about what was best for my baby? Could I give her the life she deserved? Not just now, but in ten years? Twenty? The answer was no. It wasn’t just about money. I was not in a place where I was emotionally mature enough to be the kind of parent she deserved. She needed more stability than her biological father and I could provide. So I had to find somebody who could give her the life I wanted her to have. Learning to put her needs before my own was the most heartbreaking thing I have ever been through, but seeing her thrive with the family I chose has helped to heal my pain.

Choosing the right family was another important lesson. When you place a baby for adoption, you have no legal right to visitation. Any contact agreements are based completely on trust. I believed that the best option for my baby was an open adoption. That way she could have a stable, loving family while still having contact with me so that she would always know that I love her.

I looked through dozens of profiles, trying to decide how I could possibly choose. They all seemed so wonderful, but at the same time, I was terrified of families making promises they wouldn’t keep. I was so hurt by the relationship I had with the birth father that I wasn’t sure how I could have faith in anyone ever again. As I got to know the family I eventually chose to adopt my birth daughter, I slowly learned to trust. It was a giant leap of faith to place, but they have kept their word. They have never made a promise they couldn’t keep, and they genuinely love me. They taught me that there really are good people in the world.

And I learned what love was. Meeting my little baby girl opened my eyes to a whole new level of emotion I didn’t know I was capable of. I love her fiercely, and every time I see her my love grows even more. She is my little sunshine.

The lessons I learned, I learned the hard way, but I am grateful for them. What was once a crisis pregnancy has turned into the biggest blessing I have ever received. I am a much stronger, wiser person because of everything I’ve been through. I can thank my crisis pregnancy for the woman I am today, and I will always be proud of that.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post My Crisis Pregnancy Story and What I Learned appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

It made me less judgmental of situations I’ve never experienced or had an understanding of.  Before that point, I was skeptical of how a person could get pregnant when they had the precautions not to and found myself stereotyping or generalizing people who had to make difficult decisions.  Now, not only am I completely understanding of what it is like to make a difficult decision, but I try to put myself into the shoes of situations that I don’t have experience with and see the perspective of others.  It isn’t always easy, but we are all just trying to do the best that we can. 

It taught me to better assess both my actions and how those actions affect others. The things you do in your life affect not only you but the people around you.  My life hadn’t just changed with a crisis pregnancy, but the lives of my boyfriend, adoptive family, and most importantly, the life that was created. While life can change rapidly and without warning, it is up to you as a person to make the best of situations and think of everyone it concerns. 

Most importantly, it opened my heart to love I didn’t know was possible.  I love my mom. I love my best friend. I love my significant other. But nothing prepared me for the love I feel for that little boy.  I was surprised by the love I feel for his family for loving him as much as I do. I could not imagine life without them in the world now.  Who knew a picture of a silly kid could make your heart swell and be overwhelmed with joy? It is an amazing feeling to know love like this.

A crisis pregnancy was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to face.  But if I needed this test, this experience, to be the person I am today and to have my son in the world, I’ll take it and hope that I continue to learn and grow from it all.  

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post How My Crisis Pregnancy Made Me a Better Person appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

1. Trust your gut feeling.

Your body’s instincts are more powerful than you normally give them credit for. At multiple times throughout my pregnancy, my body was able to give a better answer than my head. I went with my gut on seeking out adoption, even when the fear in my head and my heart tried to convince me it was too much. I again went with my gut feeling when I first talked to Liam’s parents, knowing within hours that they were going to be his parents and that we were going to have a good relationship. My gut told me how sick I was when my body was riddled with preeclampsia and my doctor thought I was overreacting and there was nothing wrong with me. On the day that Liam was born six weeks early, I texted his new parents without thinking about it, even though the birth plan hadn’t originally included them, because I wanted them to meet their son. All along the way, my gut knew what I needed before I ever did. It’s important to follow your instincts.

2. Take care of your well-being, especially mentally/emotionally.

When you’re pregnant and you didn’t plan to be, it can feel hard to take care of yourself to the level that you need. In an instant, if you didn’t already eat right, exercise, sleep well, etc. you must do so for the sake of the human life growing inside you.

Your doctor and all the books will tell you to reduce your stress level, but how can you when you have big decisions to make and little time to do it? But, as someone who has been where you are, take it from me that you need to take care of you, especially for your mental and emotional well-being. When I found out I was pregnant, I told myself I needed to do what I could to survive and get through. It was a blur of work and trying to sleep and doctor’s appointments and stress. I can’t think of a single thing I did for my mental and emotional health. I was merely trying to survive. 

After Liam was born though, it was like the lid blew off the container and there were all these feelings and emotions and issues I had to deal with that I had buried away and now had to face. Moral of the story: take care of yourself. Say no to people when you need to. Read books. Take naps. See a counselor. Take up a new hobby. Talk to your friends about how you feel, even when you think they won’t understand. Find a group of people to talk to who will understand. Just take care of you because you will be so much better off for it.

3. The things you never expect can be the most incredible things of your life.

I never expected my crisis pregnancy to result in such a beautiful little boy who continues to teach me about the depths of love and pride. I never expected the wonderful open adoption relationship I share with his parents, brother, and him. I love them to the moon and back and am forever grateful that they came into my life when they did and that they have accepted me for who I am. I never expected that a crisis pregnancy would test my relationship with my boyfriend and bring us out on the other side stronger; I’m now preparing to be his wife. There is so much I never expected: to find adoption to be a blessing in my life, to find such joy and healing in writing about it, and to make such incredible friends along this journey.

Having a crisis pregnancy was one of the scariest experiences I think I’ll ever have in life. It tested me and showed me I was stronger than I ever thought. I am truly sorry if you find yourself in this position, but hope you find this in your time of need and know that someone wants to help ease your journey.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

The post 3 Things My Crisis Pregnancy Taught Me appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

My crisis pregnancy made me who I am today, and I’m proud of that.

When I got pregnant, I was forced to change my lifestyle. I had to make healthier choices and surround myself with better people for her safety. It was far easier to make good choices for her sake than for my own. If not for her, I might never have turned my life around.

My pregnancy showed me what was truly important.

It didn’t matter what people thought of me. I didn’t care about the gossip, the drama, or what I looked like. I cared about making the best life possible for my little girl. She forced me to sort out my priorities. To this day, all I care about is reaching my goals and making her proud. Life is simpler because I don’t care what people think.

Having my little girl made me tough.

If I can get through the judgment, the pain of delivery, and the grief of placing her for adoption, I can get through anything. Things that I used to think were hard–school, work, finances, relationships–are nothing compared to what I went through with my crisis pregnancy. It made me strong, and I know that I can handle whatever comes my way. I’ve done hard things before, and I’ll do them again.

My journey gave me an increased capacity to love.

I thought I knew what love was before I met my baby–but I didn’t. The first time I held her I felt a depth of emotion I hadn’t thought possible. She unlocked a new level of love in my heart, and now I can love others so much more deeply and easily. This has led to fulfilling relationships not only with her but with friends and family who I now know how to love unconditionally.

My crisis pregnancy was hard, but it has made me a much better person. Thanks to my experience, I have become smarter, tougher, and more loving than I ever thought possible. I am proud of who I am today because of what I’ve been through. I wouldn’t go back and change my experience for the world.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

The post How My Crisis Pregnancy Was A Good Thing appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

1. Don’t be ashamed

Being pregnant is not something to be ashamed of. Maybe you aren’t proud of the choices that led up to the pregnancy. But the child, in and of itself, deserves to be celebrated as much as any other baby. It hasn’t done anything wrong, and neither have you. It doesn’t matter what anyone else says–this is your pregnancy and your choice, and you can choose how you feel about it. It won’t be easy, but no matter what you decide, you don’t need to be ashamed.

2. Consider your options carefully

There is no easy ‘solution’ to a crisis pregnancy. Parenting, placing for adoption, and aborting all come with consequences that should be seriously considered. Making a snap decision without carefully weighing the pros and cons will likely lead to regret. You have some time to decide what to do. Take all the time you need, and use both your head and your heart to make decisions.

3. Breathe

Take your time. You don’t have to make all the decisions right now. You have nine months. Take it one day at a time, and take care of yourself and your baby by getting enough sleep, exercising, and eating right. These basic things can be difficult to do when you’re going through a crisis, but making simple healthy changes will make a world of difference in your ability to feel good and think clearly.

4. Build a support system

You don’t have to go through this alone. More than likely, you have family and friends who will be there to support you. Even if you don’t, you can find a support group for women facing crisis pregnancies or a therapist who offers individual counseling. Find a doctor that will make sure you and your baby are healthy. Make use of anyone and everyone who can help you get through this pregnancy.

5. Don’t give up

You can do this. I know, because I did. A crisis pregnancy doesn’t ruin your life, it just changes it. You are strong enough to get through it, smart enough to know what to do, and capable enough to carry it out. Your mothers’ intuition will help you along the way.

Are you considering adoption and want to give your child the best life possible? Let us help you find an adoptive family that you love. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98.

The post 5 Pieces Of Advice For Women Facing A Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

1. What if I think a crime has been committed?

If you have been sexually assaulted, contact the police. If you are a victim of incest, contact the police. If you are a minor and you became pregnant through your “boyfriend” who is an adult, that may be a crime. Contacting the police or Child Protective Services can be scary, so if you are a teen, go to your school nurse or a trusted teacher or coach. You should not have to live in fear. Let the authorities decide whether a crime has been committed. For more information, click here.

2. What if I am threatened with homelessness and have nowhere to go?

If you fear you will be homeless because someone found out you are pregnant, there are places to go. A maternity home is a place where pregnant moms can go to get the help you need. At a maternity home, you will be amongst others who are going through the same situation and where you can get support during your pregnancy and afterward also. You can get child care, parenting education, supplies for your baby, transportation to/from doctor’s appointments and best of all, free room and board until you get things sorted out. For more information on homelessness and maternity homes, check here.

3. What if I am pregnant and addicted to drugs or alcohol?

If you are carrying a little one and are addicted to drugs or alcohol, you face the risk having the child removed from your custody once you give birth at the hospital. The child may be placed with Child Protective Services and you have may have a drawn-out legal battle to regain custody. But worse than that, you face risking the health of your baby. The substances you are putting into your body make its way down to the child. When you take a drink, so does your child. Your child could be at risk for Fetal Alcohol Syndrome or Fetal Drug Syndrome, both of which are irreversible. Get help before its too late. If not for your sake, for the baby’s sake.

If someone tells you there is only one solution to “take care” of your crisis pregnancy, you might want to consider going to someone else. Whether it is family, friends, the faith community or the community at large, there are many, many places to get help and advice. Don’t isolate yourself! The more advice you receive from trusted adults the more you will be able to make an educated decision, be it parenting or making an adoption plan. Remember you are not only seeking help for you but also for your baby. Knowing how to get help for a crisis pregnancy can help you and your baby.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

The post How To Get Help For A Crisis Pregnancy appeared first on Crisis Pregnancy | Center, Outreach, Unplanned Pregnancy.

1. Closed adoption

One question to ask yourself when in a crisis pregnancy is: do I want complete anonymity? If so, a closed adoption may be an appropriate solution. A closed adoption is when a thoughtful birth mom places her child for adoption. With the assistance of an attorney and a reputable adoption agency, the birth mom relinquishes her parental rights. In a closed adoption, the birth mom reserves the right to hold back any of her own personal information to the adoptive family. The benefit to the birth mom is that she protects her confidentiality. However, this can be a barrier to the child should he need medical history in the future. Or if he wants information on the circumstances of his adoption. Or if he simply wants to develop a relationship, at a later date. But if you cannot raise your own child, a closed adoption may be a good option.

2. Open Adoption

Another question to ask yourself is: Can I make a Life Plan for my child? A life plan is when a woman considering placing her child in a loving adoptive home becomes actively involved in the process. The woman participates in what type family the child will be placed in. And in some cases, she can opt for an open adoption where there will be limited contact between mom and child. With the assistance of attorneys, the woman making an adoption plan and the adoptive parents form an adoption contract which includes the details of contact and visit.

3. Kinship Adoption

A third question to ask yourself is: Are there close relatives or extended family that can raise my child? There may be someone in your family that has been yearning to adopt a child but have been unable to for one reason or another. What started out as a crisis in your life could end up being a blessing all the way around. The advantage here is that the child stays in the family, perhaps in a home that he is already familiar with.

Is adoption the solution to your crisis pregnancy? Only you can decide. Perhaps you can raise the child on your own like so many other women with crisis pregnancies have done before you. But if you do choose adoption, know that you are solving a crisis, not only for you but for adoptive parents, who may be facing infertility and of course the child. A crisis pregnancy doesn’t have to be a crisis.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Do you want more choices with your adoption plan? Do you want to regain more control in your life? Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98. We can help you put together an adoption plan that best meets your needs.

FOR MORE INFORMATION ON CRISIS PREGNANCIES, CLICK HERE.

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1) Pregnancy Resource Centers

A Pregnancy Resource Center, also known as a Crisis Pregnancy Center, focuses on the pregnant woman as well as their preborn baby. Some of their services may include:  free pregnancy tests, parenting classes, prenatal development classes, counseling, free STD-testing, life coaching and free supplies such as diapers, baby wipes, etc. These centers give you full information on what to expect in labor and delivery and beyond. These centers respect you as a person and will be there for you regardless of what you decide to do. They may even provide post-abortion counseling if needed. These centers have programs for Dads as well if he is still involved. Some centers may even provide free ultrasounds so you can see you’re your baby. All of these centers perform these services free of charge. Click here for more information.

2) WIC

WIC (Women, Infant, and Children) is a free, federal program that serves women and their children, ages 0-5. This program focuses on health and wellness. It provides vouchers for cereal, dairy products, cheese, fruits, and vegetables. It also provides formula for infants.  This is meant to supplement normal groceries, not to replace them. WIC also has a prenatal program that will help you while you are pregnant with things like prenatal vitamins, free check-ups, etc.

3)    HEAD START

Head Start is another free, federal program that promotes health and education for mom and child. It has traditionally served children ages 3-5, but of late it has served children 0-5 and pregnant moms as well. This program is helpful especially to teen moms and to first-time moms. In some states, Head Start has a home-based program, where representatives can tailor personalized services.

The worst thing you could do in a crisis pregnancy is nothing. Remember, you are not only seeking help for yourself but for your baby as well. There is support out there, whether privately or publicly. Get a trusted friend or family member to help you track down these resources. The three I’ve mentioned are just a start. Do your homework and know that you are not alone.

Are you considering placing a child for adoption? Not sure what to do next? First, know that you are not alone. Visit Adoption.org or call 1-800-ADOPT-98 to speak to one of our Options Counselors to get compassionate, nonjudgmental support. We are here to assist you in any way we can.

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